


yellow

by letmeintoheaven



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, featuring the gfs laila and alvarez
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11190957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmeintoheaven/pseuds/letmeintoheaven
Summary: Jean never thought he would ever find himself here. He always thought of love as a foreign tongue that he would never get the chance to learn.(or alternatively, jean and jeremy are soft and in love)





	yellow

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Yellow by Coldplay my official Jerejean song (i cry).

The waves were rolling back and forth, loud and unrelenting. The calm of it helped Jean's mind slow down and it allowed him to reflect. The beach had always managed to ease his mind. He felt assaulted by millions of new feelings, his heart was beating a little too fast, his mind was running around the same words again and again; and none of it felt reasonable. None of it made sense to him and Jean hated things he didn't understand. Or maybe he was understanding what it meant all too well, and he didn't like it either. He was someone rational, who didn't like to plan on maybes or what ifs, because Jean had learned early to never trust anything but the cold harsh reality of things as they were. To him, maybes and what ifs were dangerous, they opened a world of possibilities, they were a door to hope and hope didn't belong in a world with the Ravens. Which had been fine to Jean at the time, after he joined the Ravens and gave up on hoping for anything; because it was easy. At least he thought of it in that way, if you're never hopeful you're never disappointed. Jean had learned to only ever expect the worst out of things, to never be relieved if things turned out better than anticipated; next time it probably wouldn't. But he was not a Raven anymore. 

He could remember Renee's expression so distinctively when she had promised him, her eyes fierce and burning with something almost menacing, _“Jean, you'll never be a Raven anymore”_ and for the first time in his life, he had believed a promise. It had been five months now that he had joined the Trojans. It hadn't been easy adjusting to the new life, but Jean would never call it hard either. The Trojans had been there right from the start to make sure he felt welcome, and they were always there to remind him he was appreciated and part of their family now. The Trojans had made their way into his heart way quicker than Jean could have imagined possible. All in all, the hardest part had been to give back. He still wasn't sure he was doing it right, but he was quite sure by now that the Trojans knew they were family to him too. Although he didn't really know what a family consisted in, he thought it might be the closest word to describe who the Trojans meant to him. 

The only one he couldn't find a word to describe just yet, was Jeremy. He wasn't quite sure what to do with his unsteady heartbeat each time his mind went back to him. 

He looked back on his hand where Jeremy had scribbled a little “J” the day before. They had spent the whole afternoon in the shared living room of the Trojans, preparing the December party who had to take place in two weeks. Jeremy had dragged him into doing the banners with him and they spent the whole afternoon drawing and painting; and laughing at Jeremy's failed attempts to draw a Santa Claus. Thankfully, Alvarez had come to Jeremy's help, while Laila couldn't stop laughing. 

_“Jeremy this..this...is the most pathetic attempt at drawing Santa Claus I've ever seen.”_

_“Your face is pathetic Laila shut up.”_

_“At least my face can be recognized as a face.”_

Jeremy had shoved her shoulder but laughed along with her. Jean had smiled in his own reserved way but the memory of it was bringing back the warm feeling he felt surrounded by yesterday. 

Later in the evening, when the other Trojans had left and the living room fell silent again, Jeremy and Jean had lingered a bit, coloring the banners and talking quietly. _“My Santa Claus wasn't even that bad though was it?” “Jeremy, denial is not the answer.” “A wise man once said it's not denial I'm just selective about the reality I accept...and I'm going to be selective Jean, I'm going to be selective.”_

At some point, Jeremy had reached for his hand with his black pen and inked a “J” on it. The house was quiet and they were in their own little world, the one Laila and Alvarez were always teasing them about but which Jean had never really paid attention to. Except at that moment, when his whole body had frozen to stare at the place where Jeremy's hand was still on him, the silent had felt loud, and the reality of their own little world had felt pressuring. They were alone, they were alone and Jeremy's body was in his personal space. After removing his hand, Jeremy hadn't looked up at him for which Jean was grateful because he didn't think he could have bear the weight of his gaze at that moment. Jeremy was too close and Jean couldn't breathe. _Is that his or mine._ Jeremy had taken a step back from him, which thank god, had allowed him to start breathing again. Jeremy had gotten up from where they were sitting. heading for the door. _“We'll take care of the mess tomorrow, come on we should go find something to eat.”_

His mind running, Jean had gotten up to follow him. It physically pained him to vocalize his question, but he asked, confused. _“Jeremy, is that the J of your name or mine?”_

Before opening the door, Jeremy had turned to him with an intense gaze that was painful for Jean to hold. His next words were soft and honest, leaving Jean full of questions and possibilities. _“What if it's whichever you want it to be? Come on I don't know about you but I'm starving.”_

_What if._

The moment hadn't stopped repeating itself in Jean's mind and it seemed that each time he replayed it, the moment was slipping out of his reach. But the ink on his hand was an obvious reminder, one how so entirely different from the one on his face, he thought. The 3 on his face was his reminder that a part of him would always belong to the Raven, but the ink on his hand was screaming an entirely other kind of reminder. He was not a Raven anymore, and he wasn't alone anymore. _What if._ Jean understood that this was Jeremy's way of letting him take the next step if he wanted it. But what did the next step entailed exactly? and did he want to take it? If the feeling in his stomach was anything to go by, he definitely wanted to? While he appreciated that Jeremy was leaving the door open for him to cross or not, that he was allowing him to back out if it was too much, it was nerve-wrecking. He wasn't sure he was ready to start being more than what they were at the moment. But what if he was? 

Jean never thought he would ever find himself here. He always thought of love as a foreign tongue that he would never get the chance to learn. Was that love then? Laila and Alvarez had given him the chance to know a sibling kind of love he never felt before; but Jeremy, it was something more. His chest seemed to say as such anyway. But that kind of love was definitely foreign to him and Jean was scared to trip over his words. 

A sound jolted Jean out of his thoughts; someone was coming behind him. He turned around only to recognize Jeremy's silhouette.

“I found you!” 

“I wasn't hiding,” Jean said at his cheerful arrival. “You could have texted you know.”

“Pff, as if you ever answer your texts.” Jeremy fake-complained while sitting himself down next to him. 

Jean opened in his mouth to protest but Jeremy stopped him before he could. “Sure Jan.” 

Jean rewarded him with a non very convincing glare as no real trace of irritation could be found on his face. “Are you here for a reason or were you finding yourself deprived of someone to annoy?” 

“Haha you're so funny Jean.” Jeremy deadpanned. “But actually, you do are my favorite person to annoy, and I think you should start thinking of this as an honor.” At this Jean let out an accidental snort, which, as each time he could manage to get a spontaneous reaction out of Jean, Jeremy felt quite proud of. 

They fell in comfortable silence. Jean could sense that Jeremy was absorbed in his thoughts, as if struggling to form his next sentences, and Jean was content to simply wait for him to open up. 

It was another thing Jean was grateful about; conversation with Jeremy was easy. They were never pushing each other to talk and were both patient with one another when some words were difficult to express. Jeremy had never asked him for more than what he could give, he had always been gentle and understanding from the very start, and for the longest time it had been impossible for Jean to understand that it was genuine kindness that demanded nothing in return. Genuine care, that's what Jeremy had given Jean from the start, and that was much more than he had ever gotten in his life. 

“It's been almost 5 months now since you left the Ravens and joined us.” Jeremy stated in his gentle quiet voice, one that he used days after days when trying to reassure Jean after yet another nightmare or panic attacks. Jean was used to it by now and he realized that gentle tone alone could calm him down better than any reassuring words. “How do you feel?”

Jean had been waiting for him to ask; Jeremy was fond of trying to be his personal psychologist. But at the same time, Jean had gotten by now that this was out of genuine care for his well-being so Jean always tried his best to be as honest as he could. 

Since joining the Trojans Jean had felt a lot of ways, which, that alone, had been a new way to feel. But for the last few weeks Jean had been realizing important things about himself, which felt liberating in some ways. For the first time in his life, he was starting to feel at peace with himself. Not in a "healed” kind of way -because he wasn't and he was a long way from being healed, but in a “i acknowledge where I am now and i'm ready to start healing”. He was starting to understand that healing was a long process that he shouldn't try to fasten -and with shock, that realization made him recognize a feeling he thought he had forgotten: hope. There was no healing without the hope of reaching the light at the other end of the tunnel; the hope of ending up alright. What if he did end up alright? What if he was worth trying at least? That kind of thinking would have never even crossed his mind five months ago. But what if? 

What if whatever it was between him and Jeremy was worth a try? 

Jean lifted his gaze to Jeremy's face, studying his features for a second. Jeremy was silent, his face serious and quite grave. He was probably waiting for a bad answer, he knew it couldn't be easy for Jean, it would never be easy. But what he didn't know is that the Trojans had given him more than he could have ever hope or ask for: he was given space and respect, privacy and support, freedom and positive attention. Jeremy couldn't understand that while it might feel like the most natural thing for the Trojans, it was everything to Jean. He was given a home, somewhere to feel safe, somewhere to belong, somewhere to heal.

“I feel lucky,” he stated his eyes fixed on Jeremy's trying to convey is gratitude. 

Jean felt relief seeing the tension disappear from Jeremy's face and be replaced by his smile. Without thinking, he reached for his face to touch the familiar dimple on his cheek. Surprise flood Jeremy's features and Jean promptly retreated his hand. “Sorry.” 

Jeremy was staring at him, looking confounded. “Don't be.”

He lifted his hand and Jean followed it with his eyes. Jeremy asked. “Can I?” 

Jean nodded and Jeremy put a light thumb right on Jean's tattoo under his eye. Jean didn't flinch, proof of the trust he had in Jeremy if that was still to be proven. Jeremy thumb traced over his cheekbone gently and let his hand fall back on his side. Jean was still following his hand and before he retreated completely, Jean took it in his. He thumbed over Jeremy's knuckles, his heart racing in his chest but feeling oddly calm. “Thank you.” 

He didn't need to say for what, Jeremy understood it was for nothing he should have to be thankful for, but it had never been a given for Jean. Jeremy tangled his hand with Jean's and, tracing over the little J, asked. “Have you made your mind up?” _What if._

The words were out of his mouth before he could really think it through. “It's yours if you want it to be too.” He wasn't talking about his heart but damn, he could as well have been? If Jeremy's beam was anything to go by maybe Jeremy knew Jean meant more than just the ink on his hand. Jean smiled back, faintly as always but honest and unconcealed as he rarely was. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Jean's heart skipped a beat. They kind of had a talk (quite an awkward one if you ask Jean but Jeremy seemed perfectly comfortable -when was he not?) before about their sexuality and it had, at least, resulted in Jeremy understanding, without knowing the exact terms, that Jean wasn't comfortable with everything but that kissing was alright most of the times. Jeremy asking for consent was as endearing as it was a reminder that he was out of the Ravens. Sexuality didn't have to equal to what it did before. He could say no, Jeremy would never push, and Jean trusted him to never ask for more than he could give. 

Jean leaned in and closed the distance to gently settle his lips against Jeremy's. It was short, but soft and full of promises. Forehead against Jeremy's, Jean let his hand reach back for Jeremy's dimple. Nothing made him feel warmer than Jeremy's soft smile, when his eyes crinkled slightly and his dimple showed. _This, right here, feels like whatever happiness is made of._ He never wanted to let go. This, right here, was the safest place in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this, comments are very much appreciated and if you want more content?? let me know i might consider writing more??  
> You can find me at [pinhazpple](http://pinhazpple.tumblr.com/) or [jeanvmoreau](https://jeanvmoreau.tumblr.com/) on tumblr to say hi!


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